Sorry I'm so late on this thread, It is hard for the kids sometimes to understand our feelings towards the 'other' parent. All they know is that they love thier parents, good bad or indifferent. I'm both real mom and step mom.

We always put a limit on how many and/or which gifts could be taken to the kids other home, but for the most part left it up to them to decide what. When the kids lived with us most stayed here, when they lived with thier mom more went to the other home. I kept enough clothes here for the kids when they visited, washed the clothes they came in and sent them home in them. Any "special" items stayed here, but every day genaric things could go home with them, That went for my kids and his kids. His kids got to "choose" where they lived and so they were moving in and out about every 6 months or so. I had no say in that. My kids however were limited to the number of times they could move back and forth.

You are right about Blending Families. Sometimes it was a piece of cake others it was liver and onions (i don't like liver and onions). All the kids are grown now, the youngest being 19. She has severed all ties with us except for the child support, But her brother is a vibrant part of our blended family as are both of my birth kids.

Remember that the kids love both thier parents and if they haven't already will come to love you unless you deride and degrade thier "other" parent. If your husband lets his children take thier gifts to thier other home and they are lost and/or ruined then perhaps that would serve as a lesson in taking care of thier things as long as you or thier father don't run right out to replace anything they lose.

You aren't a wicked step mom, and I understand wanting to safeguard your investment in thier things, but if you give them something it becomes thiers. If you don't want them to take a thing to thier other home then buy it and allow them to use it while at your house. I did that with several large ticket items and the kids understood that better than me telling them how to use thier things.

I feel better knowing others are having similar problems. My step-son has just arrived for the summer. His mother didn't pack anything for him, so I had to go out and buy all new clothes for him. I have told my husband that all of these items will stay in our house. Too many items (comic books, library books, rented video games, etc.) have disappeared and not returned when they accidently were taken back to his home state. It costs quite a bit to replace those items, especially when it is done on a regular basis. If that makes me an evil step-mom, so be it. My ex-husband and I have a very amicable relationship, especially when it comes to topys, games, special clothing. They belong to my daughter, but they live at one of the houses. A ew things travel back and forth, but if, say a video is taken to one house, it is returned in good shape and a timely manner. I wish I could expect the same from my husband's ex.