Chris started school 2 weeks into the year when he moved in with us. With the tales of drama from his mother, who is an enormous piece of work I'd rather not discuss, we had no idea what to expect of his school work.
So..... here goes.
Not turning stuff in, not bringing things home, conveniently losing his assignment book that he's to write in everything from every class that was to be done that day either in class or for homework, ( bought him a new one) team meeting with teachers, not following up on the agreements made there, lying to us. not bringing home midterms because he said they weren't out yet......
Here's what we've done...
Taken away tv, video, game and computer privileges until the grades come up above a C. (didn't seem to work because he got an F in Geography and a D in English.) All homework is done before anything else. I organised the team meeting with all the teachers. I picked him up from school the day after he "forgot" his assignment book and rifled through the backpack to find everything.
Today I called for the grades. I am now going to have the teachers put together a list of missing assignments at the end of every week along with his grade through the end of that week and FAX it to me at work. Every Friday. I'm going to try to get syllabus' for each class also.
I am instigating manual yard labor while the weather holds to be done first, then homework, then dinner, then bed. PERIOD. until the grades come up.
Then when it's dark at 4pm, He'll get to do house work.
I do NOT like it when people lie to me. ever. doestn' matter who it is. I won't stand for it. And I'm so angry right now with this kid that I could just scream. As it is, for the last week or three i've done a great deal of crying, not eating, not sleeping and generally not talking to anyone because I just CAN'T.
Any suggestions?
thanks.
LH
So..... here goes.
Not turning stuff in, not bringing things home, conveniently losing his assignment book that he's to write in everything from every class that was to be done that day either in class or for homework, ( bought him a new one) team meeting with teachers, not following up on the agreements made there, lying to us. not bringing home midterms because he said they weren't out yet......
Here's what we've done...
Taken away tv, video, game and computer privileges until the grades come up above a C. (didn't seem to work because he got an F in Geography and a D in English.) All homework is done before anything else. I organised the team meeting with all the teachers. I picked him up from school the day after he "forgot" his assignment book and rifled through the backpack to find everything.
Today I called for the grades. I am now going to have the teachers put together a list of missing assignments at the end of every week along with his grade through the end of that week and FAX it to me at work. Every Friday. I'm going to try to get syllabus' for each class also.
I am instigating manual yard labor while the weather holds to be done first, then homework, then dinner, then bed. PERIOD. until the grades come up.
Then when it's dark at 4pm, He'll get to do house work.
I do NOT like it when people lie to me. ever. doestn' matter who it is. I won't stand for it. And I'm so angry right now with this kid that I could just scream. As it is, for the last week or three i've done a great deal of crying, not eating, not sleeping and generally not talking to anyone because I just CAN'T.
Any suggestions?
thanks.
LH
posted by:
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West Virginia
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Unsu...
Re: What would you do if....
Mon, October 3, 2005 - 4:06 PMWhat was his world like when he was with his mother? I'm wondering what kind of habits he learned, or didn't learn when he was living with her. And have you spoken to his former teachers @ his old school?
I think you are doing a decent job with what you've had handed to you. Although I think it is essential to get him in to a school counselor of some sort if you have'nt already.
After briefly looking through your profile, you seem really down to earth, warm & friendly. I am sure it goes without saying, just remember to help him make life fun still. Even though school is of utmost priority, his heart needs to be too. He needs to know life is supposed to be full & feel rewarded in some ways ( & I agree with you - not w/ video games! I hate them too ;o) ) "just because" he his who he is. I hope that made sense.
I have an 11 yr old step son ... we are struggling with lazy behavior, MESSY custody dispute (between 3 people) and it isn't fun. Some days I just want to stay in bed and cry all day.... I am SO glad to have found this tribe today!!!
:o)
Good luck to you!
Nakoma -
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Re: What would you do if....
Tue, October 4, 2005 - 9:58 AMWell, his mother's entire parenting skills revolve around sitting the kids in front of the tv and or video system and just leaving them there. When she's angry, she screams and rants and there's more drama there than you can possibly imagine. I'm rather sure the step father hits the kids or at least mentally abuses them on a regular basis. They have been investigated by CPS on several occasions as a result of prompting by the school, their aunt and myself that I know of. Nothing came of it.
Chris is here because he attacked his step father. Literally, kicking, clawing screamind and hitting. We still don't know the whole story. His mother was going to send the kid to some kind of disciplinary boot camp where he'd have to earn everything from the right to use the toilet to the right to have a meal. Matt wouldn't have that and neither would I. That is the absolute last resort. They have spent numerous summers with us or the paternal grandparents (which we STILL paid child support during... and will amend in arrears when we get custody) and Chris has never shown any propensity to do such a thing. So..... I don't know really what caused the incident.
I do know that he was crying and shaking when he had to go back there the last time saying he hated it there. Melissa's story about it is full of drama and more than likely extremely unreliable. We will wait until Chris is ready to talk.
He sees a councelor already, or has seen one. We are still waiting on school reports on behavior, medical records and the like to find someone better for him to see here.
Matt spent a great deal of time with Chris last night explaining why his grades of D and F are not acceptable and what the consequenses are until they come up to at least a C. Next year I want no lower than a B and in HS I expect no lower than a B+. If he's to get any kind of scholarship for college, he's got to get off his ass and work. We will not be able to affort to send him ourselves. But, hey, I worked through my 5 years of college... he can too.
Thanks for the response and the help. I appreciate it.
LH -
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Re: What would you do if....
Sat, December 17, 2005 - 7:31 PMI have issues with my step children and their school work as well . When they are at "mom's" house she seems to do all their work for them because she doesn't like to "deal" with the real issues of them not actually understanding the work. This is always a battle! When they do homework with me there is a lot of crying (a learned trait from their mom)
crying for no reason just makes me shut down I can't get through to them because they eventually get their way from their dad...and how can you blame the child when your mom is a real piece of s***! She doesn't parent them at all
Good luck !! Give me some ideas! :)
Shelley
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Re: What would you do if....
Sat, December 17, 2005 - 7:34 PMIt's funny I do childcare for a living and one of my parents was telling me he is from a blended family and his step mom really expected a lot from him . He dropped out of school and as an adult he realized how important all the things his stepmom was trying to teach him...he is now very successful and he says she is one of his BEST friends in the world today!! So, there is hope for all of us.....I hope!
Shelley
p.s. stand strong!!!
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Re: What would you do if....
Fri, December 23, 2005 - 9:41 AMMy first Quit school her Junior year, she later got her GED and Is currently a 4.0 college student
The next three attended an Alternative High School, which was the best thing that ever hap[pened to them. Two graduated and one quit and later got his GED.
I discovered a few things.
None of these kids comes with directions.
Every kid would have a completely different set of instructions if they did.
Most kids try to ditch schoolwork.
Dispite all of our best efforts our kids learn best by example.
All work and no play is seed for revolution.
No matter what your kids will say you treat the step-kids better and the step-kids will say you treat your kids better.
It all worksd out in the end, if it isn't worked out, it isn't the end.
And if I had known Grandchildren were so much fun I would have had them first.
Remember to always treat all you kids like they are your hero.
